Oh, that's just Will's mom... **sigh**
So Will is my forgetful child... When I say 'forgetful' I mean to the extent that I've often wondered if one can be born with Alzheimer's. He regularly forgets everything from where to put his dirty clothes, to any and everything needed for school that day. You know the expression, "You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached"? That's Will. Seriously. The fact that Will forgets stuff CONSTANTLY means that people are pretty much fed up with it. At this point, even if it is an honest mistake there are consequences.
Yesterday morning Will texts me from his dad's to ask me about his soccer stuff- half of which was at my house, half of which was at the other. I told him that yes, his red shorts were at my house. A little bit later when Will rolls in for b'fast (welcome to Mom's Diner!!) I show him where I've laid out his shorts. He tells me he doesn't need the red ones because they are wearing white. Ok... well I would go ahead and put them in my jumbo sized soccer bag, but whatever. I go on about my day.
Yesterday afternoon I get the following frantic phone call:
Will: (mumble, mumble, unintelligible,) supposed to be wearing red shorts, (mumble, mumble,) thought they were at my dad's, now I don't have time to come by your house so please meet me at the school!
Me, being the good mama that I am, hop in the car to take them to the school... When I get there, the entire team is already on the bus, so I circle around and pull up behind it and call Will. While the phone is ringing, the bus starts pulling off....
Me: Will, tell them to stop for a sec and I'll run these up to you.
Will: No, they can't, just try to get beside us.
Uhhh... ok... is that even legal? And do I look like I went to the Dukes of Hazard driving school?! But whatever, I think I'll just catch them at the stop sign. So I tell Will to ask them to hold 2 secs at the stop sign. I'm seriously riding their bumper, shorts in hand. Will says, "No, they can't."
Hmmm... at this point, I'm thinking something is a li'l shady. I mean for one, I haven't heard Will ask anyone to hold, and for two, who doesn't have a spare second? At any rate, the bus blows through the first two stop signs. Well, I mean, the bus stopped, but for reasons that can only be attributed to Murphy's Law, there was no traffic, so everytime I got my door open, the bus was taking off again.
Ok.. there was one more stop coming up that was still in town, and it's at a busy crossroad, so I felt confident that I could accomplish Mission Shorts Toss. I call Will again:
Me: Ok, tell the kid in the back seat on the left to put his window down and hold his arm out when the bus stops.
Will: No Mom, I can't.
Me: %&$^$#&$ (a word most people probably don't say to their kids, but then again most people don't have my kids *sigh*) why can't you?? Tell him now!
Will: Mom, I didn't want anyone to find out I didn't have my shorts! I'll get in trouble.
Me: (^*&%$(*&()**^%$%#$%#@#$^&(*&)(*)(&*&%%&$$$# tell him to stick his arm out NOW!
Will: Please Mom, just follow us to Mayfield! (20 minutes away, 'cause gas is free ya know?)
Me: TELL. HIM. NOW.
Sooo by this point, the bus is stopped, the kid puts down his window, I jump out of my car and run. I've got the shorts all rolled up for maximum flight potential, and I'll be damned if yet again there was NO FREAKING TRAFFIC!!! This is UNHEARD of! **sigh** So here I am running beside the bus, while the entire team is staring out the window (but obviously not the bus driver). My efforts were fruitless, and at this point I said, forget it.
Me: What do you want Will?
Will: Mom, I didn't want anyone to know. Now I probably won't start and it's all your fault.
::banging head into dashboard::
I'll spare you lecture that followed, including but not limited to, "It's MY fault you forgot your shorts??"
Ahhh Motherhood. The only role one can have in life in which everything that goes wrong in anyone else's life is all your fault. Well, that and being a wife. **sigh**
The Daily Jace: (said to anyone who will listen) The school bus kept running away from Mommy!!!!