Monday, September 5, 2011

Target Practice

or potty training boys...  whichever you prefer.  Because quite frankly, they are both fitting.
When you are expecting a baby boy, no one tells you to expect to come into contact with their pee at various times in their lives- some more than others. Even now, 17 years later, we still laugh about Will spraying down my mom's entire kitchen- including a colander full of home grown tomatoes.  I had no idea that A) a newborn could hold that much, and B) little weinies are not unlike pressure hoses... if you aren't hanging on to them, they're gonna spray everywhere!  Fast forward to Jace, 13 years later....  Changing his diaper involved various special ops movements to ensure that air never touched his man part.  Air, it seems, acted as an immediate pee-inducing agent.  Who knew?  Naturally that strange air/pee situation resolved itself around the same time that I perfected the two handed remove and replace. Little did I know what was to come....
I don't remember having such issues potty training Will.  I mean, other than the fact that I thought I'd have to send him to high school in adult diapers.  Despite a fierce stubborn streak, when he was finally ready, in my memory, it was all good.  Jace on the other hand... well it's really typical Jace- not what you're expecting, and just cute enough to keep the edge off my frustration.  Jace started off stubborn like his brother.  Sad, because the ease at which I potty trained Parker, (in about 2 days the week of her 2nd birthday,) lulled me into a false sense of "Hey, I got this motherhood thing!"  Being a parent who tries to choose battles wisely, I would try, have no luck, and then proceed to give it a bit longer before trying again.  The joy that came with the knowledge that no occupants of my house would ever be in diapers again, (Lord willing) is slightly dampened, (no pun intended,) by the amount of mopping I'm doing these days...  In Jace's defense, he does claim that his "pee pee" is just "too big" to aim properly.  Not being a man, I can't be sure how well that theory holds up.  From the looks of things, it's a li'l shaky... but what do I know?  
We started Jace out sitting down to pee, because he's not tall enough to stand.  When it soon became clear that I'd be mopping 'til the day I die, I decided to buy him a step stool to see if standing up would help.  Perhaps I should have been more specific about the purpose of the step stool:
Me:  Jace, you wanna stand up and pee like a big boy?
Jace:  Yes!
Me:  We'll get you this step stool so you can reach!
Uhh...yeah...  I so wasn't expecting to hear Jace yell, "I peed like a big boy!!" only to discover he'd turned the step stool upside down and peed in it...  *sigh*  On the plus side, he did hit the intended target.  For what it's worth...
At this point, I'm considering leaving him in diapers until he gets married, at which point his wife can take over the mopping.  In the meantime, I will take any suggestions, or pointers haha, on how to successfully teach aiming of li'l members- so fire away, but please hit the target.

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