Friday, February 1, 2013

Lions and Tigers and Sharts, Oh My! (Part 1)

Subtitled:  Ooops, I thought I just had to fart.

As mothers, we all know that there is nothing worse than a sick kid...  Other than a sick husband, but we will get to that later.  Honestly though, there is nothing worse than seeing your child feel terrible and not be able to make it better.  If we are being truly honest though, and we are, then we have to admit that there are others reasons that it completely sucks to have a sick kid.  Two in fact.  Three if you are married.

The number one reason there is nothing worse than a sick child?  Admit it, at some point in between realizing that Little Johnny is done for the count, and feeling terrible that they are feeling terrible, the realization that you are about to have twice the amount of work and half the amount of sleep for the next few days, is invariably  in the back of your mind.  Girl, you know it's true.

The second reason?  You  also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are most likely going to be the next victim of whatever is going around the hizzy.  It's basically unavoidable since you will be knee deep in whatever disgusting substance is coming out of whichever contaminated orifice.  Despite this, you will still be responsible for everything you are normally responsible for.  At this point that means, twice the work, half the sleep, and the feeling that you might die, or you just wish you could.

Finally, and this only applies to married moms, there is the possibility that your oldest man child (the one you married) will catch the bug also.  Prepare yourself for the joys that this can hold.  I've had my entire reproductive system removed and still got around better than Thomas with the sniffles :/.  Of course this also means that whatever limited assistance your spouse was able to offer, will cease.  Time now.

Why, am, I such, a, comma, hog?,

Anywho.  Last week RSV, croup, ear infections, and colds in general, hit the Hollen household.  Hard.  I truly did feel terrible for my little man.  He was hacking and coughing, and just generally felt like poo all around.  I really knew he was sick when he didn't want his morning hash brown from McDs.  What?  Yes, he does have a hash brown from Mickey Ds every weekday morning.  Don't judge.  Anyway, he felt terrible, and I did feel terrible for him, but in the back of my mind I was also thinking, "Effffff.... Emmmmmmm.... Ellllllllll".  When Jace gets sick, he coughs.  Any action then triggers that cough.  Running?   Coughing.  Crying?  Coughing.  Sleeping?  Coughing.  What is the end result of all this coughing?  Vomiting.  Despite the fact that he has coughed until he vomits at least 4 bazillion times in his 4 years on this planet, he still hasn't made that connection.  This means that I will be cleaning up vomit ad nauseum.  Pun intended.

Stay tuned for part 2...  And there will be a number (errr part) two.