Tuesday, September 6, 2011

No, those aren't boogers on my lips

and other things that make me sigh...

If you look at pictures of me when I was about 3 years old, in most of them I'm sporting what looks like a kool-aid mustache.  The reality is that my lips were chapped, along with all the skin around my lips...  I said all that, to say this:  At the moment I don't look much different than those old pics...  Just a few more crow's feet, but the mouth?  Definitely the same.  My lips are so majorly, uncomfortably dry right now.  I've been putting chapstick on like a mad woman but it's not been helping... Sooo last night as I was trying to fall asleep, I kept licking my lips.  I knew while I was doing it that I was going to look like Lisa Rinna this morning, but did that stop me??  Nooooo....  So here I am with my not-so-cute inflated lipped, kool-aid mustache thingy going on.  Sexy, I tell ya.

Why do kids have a knack for finding something you are self conscious about and making you feel like your worst fears are being realized?  For instance, when Will was small he loved to tell me that my legs looked like "tree trunks".  I'm sure it was relatively innocent in his li'l mind, but I felt like a lumberjack and often wondered how I even managed to get around with those massive redwood thighs of mine... **sigh**

So today, as I slather on copious amounts of chapstick and try to avoid licking my lips at all costs, I turn around to notice Jace up in my grill.  Here's how it all went down:

(Jace peering intently at my top lip)  (I'm trying to set a scene here, but I'm not a screenwriter, so use your imagination.)

Me:  What are you doing?
Jace:  There are boogers on your lip.
Me:  ***sigh**  No Jace, those aren't boogers, my lips are just chapped.
(More intent staring by Jace...)
Jace:  No, they're boogers. Here, let me get it.
(Insert tiny hand rapidly approaching my lip with it's li'l pincher-like fingers.)
Me:  No!  Don't touch Jace!  They hurt.
Jace:  Mom, you have boogers on there, just let me get them!!!
Me:  Wahhh... Wahh... (insert sobbing, moaning and gnashing of teeth.)

That pretty much sums it all up.  I could go on about the fight that ensued, because that kid is not unlike his dad (a dog with a bone, I'm tellin' ya!) but I'm sure you get the picture.  So now I have to get ready to take Jace to an appt and I feel like my lips are about as obvious as the hunchback's, er... hunchback.  I don't guess it really matters, since I'm JustAMom after all, but damn.

On the plus side, I've lost 5.5 lbs since Saturday, go me!  I only ate one cupcake at the bbq.  (If you were there and saw me licking every bit of icing off the cupcake liner, don't judge.)

I'm off to take my sick kid to the doctor, and to perhaps invest in some heavy duty lip stuff while I'm out showing my disfigured self to the world.  Enjoy your day~

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